TEETH

Teeth are dropping like flies in our house (luckily not mine yet).  My six year old has lost four of his front teeth in the last few weeks and I almost mourn for those tiny perfect milk teeth.  There is something rather strange about how children look when their permanent front teeth emerge.  Not only because more often than not, they emerge from pink gums at completely the wrong angle but because they are HUUUUGE!.  These teeth have to last them a lifetime.  We have to grow into our teeth, but for the next 10 years my poor child has to look ridiculous as the rest of his body slowly catches up with his teeth.

 My 11 year old is also losing teeth – canines? Pointy ones on the sides.  This is a relief because I was getting worried that she was turning into a shark, with layer upon layer of new enamel waiting patiently for the milk teeth to finally give up their will to live.  She is also teething.  I thought that was something in the dim and distant past of childrearing, but no, she is in pain.  Her wisdom teeth are coming through.  “Did your’s hurt when they came through?” she asks as I rub Bonjela on her gums.  “I don’t have any, I had one removed because it was impacted and the others aren’t there – not even under the gums”.  “That doesn’t suprise me – it explains why you’re not very good at maths”, she says.  “No, not at all”  I attempt to argue, “it’s a sign of a particularly advanced human being – it’s a bit like losing our tail, we no longer need wisdom teeth to survive, so it’s just evolution at it’s best”.  She is clearly not convinced.  Why are they called wisdom teeth anyway?

 The Tooth Fairy has been extremely unreliable of late.  She forgot twice to deliver the dosh and consequently caused mass havoc the next morning.  In addition my daughter was incensed because my six year old pretended he had received £7.00 from her.  She charged up the stairs, completely puce with rage – “how could the tooth fairy have been so unfair?  How come he get’s £7.00 when I only get £2?  I spend the rest of the morning trying to persuade my son to admit that he is lieing without giving away the fact that I so know that he is lieing.  I also seem to have to spend an inordinate amount of time explaining why the Tooth Fairy only leaves £2.00 for him, but £20.00 for his friend Ella.  £20.00!!!  How ridiculous.  Her parents must be divorced.  I think there should be some sort of parent charter that we all sign agreeing not to show each other up and while we’re at it we might as well do the same for Father bloody Christmas.  How come my kids only get a few crappy presents, an orange and some chocolate in a smelly sock whilst other people’s children get a Lear Jet?  And don’t even get me started on the Easter Bunny. 

The strangest thing that has happened is that my 6 year old’s lisp has all but disappeared along with his front milk teeth.  I suppose it has meant he has finally worked out where to put his tongue to make an “sssss” sound.  “Mum, listen my lisp has gone – ever since my toos fell out, I can speak – isn’t sat great?   Go on ask me thumsing”  “Brilliant”, I say, mentally calculating how much money I will now save in Speech Therapy classes, now only need to work on getting him over his confusion as to where to use the correct sounds.